Even I think this is stupid

I think the term NERD is in order. Maybe I'll change my name to Batman.

National guardsman changed his name to a toy-Reported by Vic Gideon

CUYAHOGA FALLS -- A member of Ohio's 5694th National Guard Unit in Mansfield legally changed his name to a Transformers toy.

Optimus Prime is heading out to the Middle East with his guard unit on Wednesday to provide fire protection for airfields under combat.

"On Sunday, we were announced as the best firefighting unit in the Army National Guard in the entire country," said Prime. "That was a big moment for us."

Prime took his name from the leader of the Autobots Transformers, which were popular toys and a children's cartoon in the 1980s.

He legally changed his name on his 30th birthday and now it's on everything from his driver's license, to his military ID, to his uniform.

"They razzed me for three months to no end," said Prime. "They really dug into me about it."

Prime says the toy actually filled a void in his life when it came out.

"My dad passed away the year before and I didn't have anybody really around, so I really latched onto him when I was a kid," he said.

Another good reason to go with broadband.

56K...ah the good ol days.

It took me a minute.

But I got it. I smell an appeal.

Fork U!

This just speaks to me for some reason

Hee hee.

Internet Radio

Hey Guys and Gals. If anyone is listening I've discovered a new and very cool site for internet radio. http://www.slacker.com, for you windowz users you can download the desktop installer or use the browser version. I like the wide variety of music you can listen to. And you can even program your own station. I have everything from Big Band Jazz to Prog Rock. And look out! They even have Glam Metal!! Just don't try it on your network @ work...I warned ya. ;0)

Someone didn't read the fine print.

Seems to me like they held up their end of the bargain. And as an added bonus you get a light saber!! I'm gonna take my new Toy-Yoda to Hooters and get some wings, wanna come?

Please Don't.

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art.

2. Don't ever write anything down, especially the error message that was on your screen.

3. If we ask what the last thing you did was, always respond with, "I didn't do anything."

4. When we say we'll be right over, immediately find a reason to leave so you won't have to answer silly questions from us, like "what's your screen saver password?"

5. When describing your problem, just tell us what you were ultimately trying to do. For example, just say, "I can't get my email". We don't need to know that the computer won't even turn on.

6. Feel free to ignore any email sent from us, especially those marked with high importance. You don't really need to know about the latest virus that wiped out your neighbors hard drive.

7. Always send important and urgent emails in all uppercase.

8. When the copier, or anything else remotely electronic, doesn't work, call us. Heck, if we can fix computers, we must know all about copiers too.

9. If the document you sent to the printer didn't print, send it at least 20 more times. One of them is bound to work.

10. Don't ever learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".

11. Don't waste your time using the built in help files. We already had to learn the hard way, why should you?

12. If any of the computer cables are in your way or keep moving, be sure to route them across the top of your portable heater or set something big and heavy on them to hold them in place.

13. Never bother reading any message that pops up on your screen. Just click the X to close it or the first button your mouse gets to.

14. Don't ever try rebooting the computer yourself. Call us immediately. Only experienced, highly-trained professionals should attempt that.

15. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know anything about this computer crap". We love hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

16. When you receive a huge movie file that's really funny, be sure to forward it to all your friends. We have plenty of disk space and bandwidth.

17. Don't bother bringing a radio to work, just listen to music over the internet. Like I said, we have plenty of bandwidth.

18. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might squeeze their one-page document into the queue.

19. When an I.T. person is carrying heavy equipment, worth thousands of dollars, that's the best time to ask why your screen saver quit working.

20. Don't bother to tell us when you move computer equipment around on your own. We certainly don't need to keep track of those things.

21. Your computer case makes a great flat surface for sitting drinks or potted plants on.

22. Do whatever you can to cover up those ugly open air slots in the computer and
monitor.

NEWS FLASH! Be on the look out for...

Nevermind, FOUND HIM!

Can't Argue With The Math!

I've suspected this for a long time.

Christmas is coming.

I know what MY kids are getting this year.



"Faster! Faster! I just got an extra man!"

Heh.

Before you call me: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

A Blast From The Past.

Early psychedelics...I remember watching this high on Sugar Pops.



Groooooovy Grover.

Halloween already?

Well almost.

A Little Advice To The Ladies...

When you ask what we are thinking, be careful what you wish for.



Just take "nothing" for what it is.

I got nuthin!

Yes, it's been awhile. I've been busy. So stop naggin me already will ya? Now back to our regularly scheduled program...

If I'm lying I'm dyin!

PEBKAC Still Plagues PC Security
Posted by ScuttleMonkey on Wednesday October 03, @06:11PM
from the you-can't-fix-stupid dept.
Security Technology


Billosaur writes "ARS Technica is reporting on a study release by McAfee and the National Cyber Security Alliance (as part of the beginning of National Cyber Security Awareness Month) that suggests when it comes to PC security, the problem between the keyboard and the chair is even worse. PEBKAC has always been a problem, but the study highlights just how prevalent it has become. 87 percent of the users contacted said they used anti-virus software, while 70 percent use anti-spyware software. Fewer (64 percent) reported having their firewalls turned on, and only 27 percent use software designed to stop phishing attempts. Researchers were allowed to scan the computers of a subset of the users, and while 70 percent claimed to be using anti-spyware software, only 55 percent of the machines of those users scanned showed evidence of the software."

True.

Just as I suspected, it's not the computers causing the problems...

Workers Cause More Problems Than Viruses:

Technical Writing Geek writes "A new report finds that, for the first time, virus infections have slipped to the second spot on the list of computer security troublemakers. In first place— a company's own workers. 'The Computer Security Institute has just released the 2007 edition (PDF) of its long-running "Computer Crime and Security Survey," and it offers some dreary news for overworked computer security admins: average losses from attacks have surged this year. More surprising is the finding that the single biggest security threat faced by corporate networks doesn't come from virus writers any more; instead, it comes from company insiders.'"

Posted by ScuttleMonkey on Monday September 17, @01:30PM
from the going-postal dept. Slashdot.org

Mustache

The Back Story.

Pirating Movies Is Illegal!!!

And you are going to hell for doing so!!

I recently stumbled upon a great UK show called The IT Crowd. I had seen the 1st episode a while back (part of it) but I never caught back up with it. A buddy of mine mentioned it this weekend and how funny it was. So I did what I do being the resourceful Geek that I am and stumbled upon seasons 1 & 2. This show is some funny SH*T. You really have to get "English Humor" and some IT stuff to really get this show, but the humor isn't as "English" as Monty Python, or Benny Hill.

So today I was doing some more research about season 3, and low and behold they are bring it to the "States". First "The Office" now this, I guess we as Americans don't have an original idea left. All our movies and TV are remakes, re-do's, do-overs, sequels, and rehashes of the same old stuff. I can't tell you the last time I saw a really good movie. I'll catch some if the US version of The IT Crowd, but I will be a little biased having seen the original. And from the looks of it, Richard Ayoade (Moss) has and will be in the US version, so I wonder if the UK version will carry on or what the deal is. Catch the UK version on You Tube...


~Peter File
filepeter@hotmail.com

Eric Clapton Shreds!

Oops should of read, Eric Clapton SUCKS!

And you think YOUR job sucks.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2007/09/04/onthejob.DTL

The new 311 Customer Service center for San Francisco. I would go INSANE!! As if I don't get enough silly questions at my job. Here's a few jems...and of course my witticisms follow after...

"Hello, how long does it take to build a cable car?" Me-"How long do you want it to take?"

"There's cocaine all over my clothes! There's cocaine everywhere!" Me-"Whatever you do, don't inhale, and what was your location again?"

"My roommate has been passed out for two days." Me-"And...(long pause) now would be the perfect time to take his wallet, and have some fun with a Sharpie. And when you're done, check for a pulse and then call the police".

"There's pig balls on the street." Me-"What color are they?" "I'm missing mine".

Having that job you should be able to drink, eat, and smoke illegal/legal substances while on the job. This really falls into the "What were they thinking" files.

Funny, yet true.

Watch this video, then ponder it for a minute. This is our society in a nutshell. Every time a diva gets a splinter or Brittany gets in trouble it makes headline news. Freakin idiots.

/rant

Office Space...the drama

One of my favorite comedic movies redone as a drama, very cool.

Hee hee...baby funny.

For those of you who don't get it, he went pee-pee in the pool.

Getting old.

Ya know getting old(er) stinks. OK, I know I'm only 35 (next month), but I truly know what they mean when they say "at least you've got your health". It is getting so bad I'm injuring myself during my sleep!! I woke up the other night just like I always do to let the dogs out about 2:30 am, I then got up at 5:45 am (normal time) and my left foot/ankle is hurting like an SOB. So between 2:30 and 5:45, I must of been mugged, or decided to rearrange the furniture.

Well, I got up this morning and I still have my wallet and the furniture is where I left it.

So I went to work and hobbled around thinking I must of just slept on it funny (not funny ha-ha) and its just sore and will work itself out. So after work I take some more Tylenol (I prefer Advil) and put some heat on it. I went to bed and woke up at 12:30 in terrible pain! I took some more drugs, put it on ice and put on the ACE bandage. So here I sit at 2:35 am blogging and watching Seinfeld. Needless to say I'm not going in tomorrow. And if I go to the Dr. they'll tell me to do what I'm already doing and charge me $35.00!

Sucks getting old. Enjoy your health while you have it, the highlights of my life are between illnesses. (thats a joke). Sucks getting old.

Who Wants Chowda?

This ones pissah!!

Logically speaking...

...this sucks! I don't know if I should laugh, cry, vomit, or all of the above. Wow. Painful. Where's the Vulcan death grip when you need it?

Tech Support

Welcome to my world.

A Must For Every Home Owner!

Chad Vader - Day Shift Manager (episode 1)

A soon to be classic.

The Electric Gypsy

I came across this photo tonight and it is just too cool not to share. It is my understanding it is the work of Jim Marshall. It was taken at the Monterey Pop Festival, one of Jimi's best live performances in my opinion. Check out the video, hell buy the video, its worth it. And get the sound track while your at it!! Early JH at his best, no holds barred, put up and shut up performance.

Contrary to popular belief this is the only time he set a guitar on fire. As for the title of this post, check out the book of the same name, its thicker than the Bible, and a much more interesting read. It was written by Harry Shapiro, and starts from the beginning all the way to his early death, and all the gear a guitar head to want to know about.

By the way, his lighter fluid of choice was Ronson ;0) And last I knew Dweezel Zappa had the guitar, or what was left of it. I can still remember where I was when I first heard this album, ok actually it was a tape. I was in 9th grade at my buddy Jason's house, we damn near wore that thing out. Thank God for the Compact Disc. Wow, I can almost hear him now...."Can you see me..."

People.

People.

People, people, people. They come in two varieties. Stupid and not so stupid. Everyday I learn something new about them. Its amazing how we can all be of the same species yet all be so very different. The one thing I'm finding is the lack of common sense most have. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the smartest guy in the world either, I have my moments but it constantly amazes me how people act/react in everyday life. The more I learn about people the more I love my computer.

Dammit!!!

I hate it when someone ruins the end of a good book!!

How to Annoy People PT III.

201. Vacuum your lawn. (See note on 200)

202. Recite shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet.

203. Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper.

204. Order a pizza and ask them if they can "please put the crust on top this time" in an exasperated voice.

205. Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask "Is that a threat?"

206. When in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then watch as you get there, no one gets off.

207. Also, when riding up an elevator with a stranger, start singing a song that everyone knows, then expect them to start singing too. If they do not start singing, insist, "Everyone knows that song. Are you stupid?"

208. While walking make car noises loudly (Such as changing gears).

209. Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation.

210. Go up to a someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly.

211. Finish each sentence with "Monkey See, Monkey Do".

212. Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school.

213. Pretend you are invisible.

214. Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language.

215. Spend all day at a fast food restaurant and see how long it takes before you have to pay for your "free" refills.

216. Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?"

217. While going down in an elevator scream, "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!" for no apparent reason.

218. Call everyone a communist.

219. Explain "the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise.

220.. Call your neighbors collect.

221. Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?"

222. Page yourself over an intercom, but don't disguise your voice.

223. Send people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like "If you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will die instantly" and then insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle.

224. When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises.

225. Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"

226. Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking.

227. Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!"

228. While driving if you see a "How am I driving" bumper sticker, call the number and inform the operator that the driver is doing a great job.

229. When driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front of you.

230. When driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front of you.

231. Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."

232. Sending this list to all of your friends through email.

233. Continue to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over.

234. Tap someone on the shoulder repeatedly.

235. Begin every sentence with, "By the Gods!"

236. When you're in an argument, no matter what it's about, keep yelling "I don't see your name on it!".

237. When in public, pretend you are selling something in an infomercial.

238. At a restaurant, repeatedly send your food back for changes and after awhile insist that, "This isn't what I ordered!"

239. Go to a shoe store and try on every shoe, then say that you aren't interested in buying shoes and leave.

240. Put powdered sugar in your hair, sit down next to a stranger, and scratch your head a lot.

241. Turn on the Talk Radio Stations in your car, roll down your windows, and headbang.

242. Walk around with a plastic sword and shield and tell strangers "I must avenge the death of my father."

243. Scotch tape your door as an Anti-theft Device.

244. Super Glue quarters to floors.

245. Put the wrong date and year on the papers you hand in to your teachers.

246. Call random numbers and say "Hi, this is Julie from Basken Robins. If you can name 31 flavors in 31 seconds you get a free scoop."

247. WRIGHT N AL CAPITOL LETERS AND MISSSSSPEL EVRYTHIND!!!

248. Get two cell phones and talk to yourself on them in front of other people.

249. Make a loud and abrupt noise when nobody is looking, then face the other direction when everybody looks your way, pretending the sound came from behind you. (Thanks Alex)

250. Lend a book to someone, but staple the middle together.

251. Lend someone a book, but rip out the climax.

252. When making a list use the same number twice.

253. Spel easy wordds rong.

253. Pronounce people's names wrong every time you meet them.

254. Laugh at everything they say.

255. Never laugh at what they say.

256. When talking to someone, tilt your head to the side.

257. Snicker at what someone said and say "I got the movie reference".

How to Annoy People PT II.

101. Never make eye contact.

102. Never break eye contact.

103. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.

104. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

105. Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice.

106. Say "okay, you're gay" to anything someone says.

107. As people talk, smell their shoulders.

108. When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."

109. Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"

110. Place your shoes on the table.

111. When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.

112. When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off."

113. Switch your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's.

114. Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.

115. Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.

116. Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.

117. Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.

118. Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.

119. Speak in a strong Welsh accent.

120. Wear odd shoes.

121. Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.

122. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.

123. Throw stones at people walking past your house.

124. Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.

125. Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.

126. Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.

127. Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.

128. Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2.

129. Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.

130. Recite the first 4,000 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.

131. Pretend you have gone completely deaf.

132. .sdrawkcab etirW

133. Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.

134. Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.

135. Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.

136. Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!

137. Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.

138. Drive on the wrong side of the road.

139. Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house who has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kinda be a natural."

140. Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.

141. Claim that until recently, you thought Michael Jackson was a woman.

142. Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.

143. Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.

144. Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.

145. Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.

146. Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%.

147. Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.

148. Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R.

149. Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."

150. Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.

151. Ride a unicycle to work.

152. E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren't actually there.

153. Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.

154. Continuously mumble during a conversation.

155. Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house.

156. When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.

157. Insist on "Weird Al" sing-a-longs.

158. On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.

159. When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.

160. Wear nothing but white and go mud wrestling.

161. Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds.. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant.

162. When walking, talk to yourself constantly.

163. Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.

164. Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."

165. Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!"

166. On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway.

167. After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles.

168. Push a raisin into someone's cream-filled donut. (I don't get this one.)

169. Spread fertilizer on half your neighbor's lawn.

170. Add A535 (liquid heat) to that little hole down the center of someone's anti-perspirant.

171.

172.

173. Add blank entries to lists, to make it look like it's longer.

174. Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonald's.

175. Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn.

176. Throw newspapers back at paperboys.

177. Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat pants.

178. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.

179. At random times in a conversation, say "Hi," "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you."

180. Put electrical tape over the headlights of someone's car.

181. Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family.

182. Dress like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners. Demand a dollar in a British accent.

183. When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining.

184. In an office, lock all the doors behind you.

185. Face the back when standing in an elevator.

186. Grin so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town.

187. When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.)

188. Unbend all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band.

189. Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")

190. Sharpen All your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.

191. Answer every question with another question. As soon as one of you says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!".

192. Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things."

193. Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!

194. Call every girl you know "dude".

195. Recite every song from the Playstation games PaRappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy.

196. Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is "Just better quality"

197. Press the "power" button on on someone's computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize sincerely, claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment.

198. Call 911 and breathe heavily.

199. Take a shower. Feel guilty. Give it back.

200. Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's)

How to Annoy People PT I.

I've highlighted a few of my favorites...enjoy.

1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4.Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."

7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date.

13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

14. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

15. Order a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.

16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

17. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.

18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

20. Repeat everything someone says as a question.

21. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.

22. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."

24. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

26. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.

28. Ask people what gender they are.

29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

36. Wear a lot of cologne.

37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

38. Sing along at the opera.

39. Mow your lawn with scissors.

40. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!"

41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

42. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

43. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

44. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

45. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

46. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

47. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

49. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

50. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

51. Practice making fax and modem noises.

52. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.

53. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

54. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

55. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

56. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

57. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

58. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

59. Honk and wave to strangers.

60. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.

61. type only in lowercase.

62. dont use any punctuation either

63. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

64. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

65. Sing the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over..

66. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.

67. Drum on every available surface.

68. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

69. Set alarms for random times.

70. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip.."

71. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.

72. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.

73. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

74. Wear your pants backwards.

75. Begin all your sentences with "Ohh la la!"

76. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music."

77. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.

78. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

79. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

80. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

81. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

82. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

83. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

84. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

85. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

86. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

87. Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.

88. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

89. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.

90. Drive half a block.

91. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

92. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.

93. "Forget" the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

94. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."

95. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

96. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

97. Ask to "interface" with someone.

98. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."

99. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

100. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

The Sopranos

Ooooh, I almost forgot. I recently jumped onto the Sopranos bandwagon. Yes I know I'm about 7 years late, but I don't have HBO anymore. And I didn't have time to watch it, but I do have a DVR....now. Anyway, I subscribe to Netflix and I get them through them. Let me tell you this is a great show!! Basically is a Soap Opera, but this one is geared a little more to the masculine side. It has guns, boobs, murder, the holy grail for a good show. Fuggetabowtit.

60 days and then some.

Hey all, it's been 2 months since I've had a cigarette. Do I miss it? Let me think....uh NO! I have taken up cigars, good cigars, no inhaling. It's a nice diversion after a long day of stroking keys. But it is nice not to be a slave to the Nico-Monster. I don't really keep track of not having a cigarette anymore, I don't even think about it. Yes, cigars are NOT a safe alternative to cigarettes! At any rate. Not much else to report here, I'm working on another "band" and this one looks promising. Time will tell. Peace out, and until next time...(insert trite expression here).

Oh yea, if any of you are fans of The Matrix. You need this screen saver. I could stare at this for hours!! Pay it forward!!

Day #30!

Well here is is folks the big 30 days without a smoke. I hate to say it but it hasn't been as hard as some may lead you to believe. As least for me it hasn't been. Even with a smoker in the house. Yes, I've had the cravings where in certain situations it just feels like something is missing...you know the one.

Seeing as it's been 30 days I've been toying with the idea of "Cigars", yes I said it fellow EX-smokers, CIGARS. I used to smoke cigars before I smoked cigarettes. And I'm not talking cheap ones, the really good ones from a Tobacconist not from the local 7-11 and certainly not from any liquor store. I enjoy the aroma, the whole process of clipping and lighting the cigar. For me smoking a cigar (and it's been years) has to have the right place and time. Enough time to enjoy it, sit back in a nice summer breeze in the early evening after a good meal, with a good cigar in one hand and a beer or nice liquor in the other. I've got a little vacation time away from my troubles (you know who you are) next month, so maybe a little time to relax and enjoy one with friends.

I can hear the moans and groans now...but cigars have never been a habit, hell I can't afford them! And yes I have pondered if I go to smoking a cigar every once in a while (month or two) will lead me back to cigarettes...it's a chance and a choice I'll have to consider if it ever comes to that. I think the hard part will be not to inhale...YUCH!!!

Lucky #13!!

Wow what a wild and strange trip it's been, 13 days with out a smoke. I need a beer. Are cigars a bad thing? J/K, I know, I know. Last night I had a dream I had a heart problem and they were going to have to "open me up" and perform surgery. Apparently when I was younger I had a heart murmer and they put in a pace maker, and now that I was older it was causing problems, and my smoking was part of the problem. Like I said, it's been a wild and strange trip...more to come I'm sure.

13 days, 2 hours, 14 minutes and 3 seconds smoke free.
196 cigarettes not smoked.
$43.88 and 1 day, 11 hours of your life saved.
Your quit date: 4/24/2007 6:00:00 PM

Bill Plympton - 25 Ways To Quit Smoking

Your Moment of Zen.

Day 7 & The Cheese Filtered Cigarette

Well last night at 6:00 p.m. Mtn Time made it an official 7 days aka one week. So far everything is going well. I'm sleeping better, I'm not as tired at the end of the day, my face has cleared up, and I don't stink (as much). Every once in a while a craving will sneak in there, but they pass. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Cheese Filtered Cigarette
US Patent 3,234,948 / Issued 1966
What Is It?

a) Cheese filtered cigarette?

b) Tammy Faye Baker heavy duty eyebrow pencil & industrial marker?

c) Core sampling device for sandwiches?

d) Exploding novelty pool cue?

Smoking more and enjoying it less? Perhaps what you need is a flavorful cheese filtered cigarette! According to the inventor, current cigarette filters (circa 1966) don't filter enough tar and nicotine from tobacco smoke. He's discovered that cheese makes a very efficient tobacco filter.

But wait! Before you go dipping your cigarette into last week's leftover, gooey Brei, you need to follow this simple recipe; use only a hard cheese such as Parmesan, Romano or Swiss. (What, no smoked Gouda?) Grate the cheese into small pieces & mix with one third part charcoal. The charcoal helps absorb cheese oil and keeps the cheese filter from becoming rancid and odorous before it reaches your lips. Hey, now we know what to do with all of that government surplus cheese!


Your Quit Date is: 4/24/2007 6:00:00 PM
Time Smoke-Free: 7 days, 16 hours, 17 minutes and 45 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 115
Lifetime Saved: 21 hours
Money Saved: $27.00

5 Days and counting.

Wow this weekend was a little rough. I was a bit bitchy to those around me, I felt somewhat outta place, kind of "lost". Now that I have all this extra time, what do I do with it? I'm almost afraid of going outside and sitting on my front porch, this is where did most of my smoking. Guess I'll have to get over it seeing as the grass is getting pretty tall.

Your Quit Date is: 4/24/2007 6:00:00 PM
Time Smoke-Free: 5 days, 19 hours, 15 minutes and 33 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 87
Lifetime Saved: 15 hours
Money Saved: $20.25

Day 3.

Last night was rough, my head was foggy, I couldn't focus, I had the 40 yard stare, I tossed and turned, sweaty. A few cravings but they pass as soon as I realize what the "feeling" is. The only way I can describe it is you'll be doing something and you get this feeling like something is missing, or that you've got to do something. Once I recognize the craving and think of something else, it goes away. This is some wild and crazy stuff. I wish I had never started. It can only get better from here on out...

Time Smoke-Free: 2 days, 18 hours, 52 minutes and 33 seconds

Cigarettes NOT smoked: 42
Lifetime Saved: 7 hours
Money Saved: $10.12

Day 2, or is it day 3?

So far I've been Smoke-Free for 1 day, 22 hours, 49 minutes and 9 seconds. All is well.

The Mute Button

Great Stuff!!

Cancer. The Ultimate Bring Down.

I've been a smoker (steadily) for about six years now, and I've come to the conclusion I'm done. I'm tired of being tired all the time, I'm tired of stinking, I'm tired of feeling like crap. I don't want to be on Oxygen, I don't want to be short of breath, I don't like being sick. If the above image offends you, close the page, it is a reminder for myself what I will be like if I don't stop now.

Say it, SAY IT!!!

The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

Snow SUCKS!

Once again, it's snowing. Maybe I'll get the day off tomorrow...again. Freakin Colorado, I've lived here all my life and have never seen this much snow. I'm calling the Cops. 2nd time band practice has been canceled because of this.

Colorado Springs Webcam.

Crack Spider

What more can I say...beeotch!