How to Annoy People PT II.

101. Never make eye contact.

102. Never break eye contact.

103. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.

104. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

105. Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice.

106. Say "okay, you're gay" to anything someone says.

107. As people talk, smell their shoulders.

108. When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."

109. Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"

110. Place your shoes on the table.

111. When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.

112. When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off."

113. Switch your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's.

114. Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.

115. Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.

116. Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.

117. Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.

118. Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.

119. Speak in a strong Welsh accent.

120. Wear odd shoes.

121. Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.

122. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.

123. Throw stones at people walking past your house.

124. Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.

125. Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.

126. Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.

127. Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.

128. Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2.

129. Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.

130. Recite the first 4,000 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.

131. Pretend you have gone completely deaf.

132. .sdrawkcab etirW

133. Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.

134. Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.

135. Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.

136. Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!

137. Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.

138. Drive on the wrong side of the road.

139. Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house who has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kinda be a natural."

140. Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.

141. Claim that until recently, you thought Michael Jackson was a woman.

142. Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.

143. Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.

144. Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.

145. Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.

146. Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%.

147. Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.

148. Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R.

149. Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."

150. Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.

151. Ride a unicycle to work.

152. E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren't actually there.

153. Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.

154. Continuously mumble during a conversation.

155. Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house.

156. When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.

157. Insist on "Weird Al" sing-a-longs.

158. On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.

159. When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.

160. Wear nothing but white and go mud wrestling.

161. Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds.. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant.

162. When walking, talk to yourself constantly.

163. Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.

164. Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."

165. Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!"

166. On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway.

167. After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles.

168. Push a raisin into someone's cream-filled donut. (I don't get this one.)

169. Spread fertilizer on half your neighbor's lawn.

170. Add A535 (liquid heat) to that little hole down the center of someone's anti-perspirant.

171.

172.

173. Add blank entries to lists, to make it look like it's longer.

174. Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonald's.

175. Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn.

176. Throw newspapers back at paperboys.

177. Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat pants.

178. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.

179. At random times in a conversation, say "Hi," "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you."

180. Put electrical tape over the headlights of someone's car.

181. Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family.

182. Dress like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners. Demand a dollar in a British accent.

183. When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining.

184. In an office, lock all the doors behind you.

185. Face the back when standing in an elevator.

186. Grin so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town.

187. When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.)

188. Unbend all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band.

189. Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")

190. Sharpen All your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.

191. Answer every question with another question. As soon as one of you says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!".

192. Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things."

193. Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!

194. Call every girl you know "dude".

195. Recite every song from the Playstation games PaRappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy.

196. Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is "Just better quality"

197. Press the "power" button on on someone's computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize sincerely, claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment.

198. Call 911 and breathe heavily.

199. Take a shower. Feel guilty. Give it back.

200. Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's)